Inner wisdom; inner child.

I just now popped open my peach iced tea. An added bonus with this particular tea is that I get a little wisdom from my bottle lid whenever I open one up.

They call it a "grannyism" and it really is a bit of good grandma wisdom.

Today I received:

Grannyism #59
When in doubt, consult your inner child

A beautiful reminder, I say.

In school I learned quite a bit about getting back in touch with my inner child...

Children, are by nature, curious. Children ask questions and use their eyes, ears, nose and hands to explore and experience the world. Because of this they are almost fearless in getting the information they desire to satisfy their every question or decision.

And, when we are children we haven't yet learned (generally) to engage with the world in an overly discerning way such that our responses to situations are laced with negative judgements, inappropriate fears or some other un-serving way of being.

Children are beautifully and exactly who they are in each moment. If they like something, or they don't - there are not if's, and's or but's about it...they do, or say, or make a face that lets us know with speed and efficiency where they stand. They know when they are uncomfortable and comfortable. They are incredibly unapologetic for being themselves and being honest.

The doubt I've experienced in my life is often coming from all the external inputs I have invited into my consciousness to advise me about how to do life. I've invited in other people's opinions and judgements. I've invited in my worries and fears about how I will appear to the outside world. I've invited in entertainment and media to tell me how I should be. In the presence of all these inputs, I have found myself quite confused on many occasions.

I've also collected a myriad of experiences from life that have both taught me wonderful lessons about how to live, and have also sometimes clouded my ability to stay present in any circumstance where I am reminded of some past upset.

The thing that is so lovely about this tidbit from my "grannyism" is that I am reminded that my inner child is nothing separate from knowing my own heart, and listening to the voice deep inside which is mine. When I listen carefully I can hear clearly without all of the static from the past experiences and external inputs, I can consult myself, and my body, and know how to move through the doubt.

I'm loving this little reminder; the universe has a funny and wonderful way of offering me gifts...I had a similar reminder just this weekend while in my Chinese Herbal Medicine class. My teacher, Evan, offered that any internal conversation taking place in the second person, e.g. "you are an idiot" or "why did you say that?" is not our true self, is not coming from our heart. Hence, listen only to that which speaks in "I." That voice, the one that speaks with "I" is our heart, and is our true north.

When anger and opinions are a response to upset. Keep Breathing, keep breathing, keep breathing.

I continue to be immediately astounded, outraged and completely disgusted whenever I become aware of what I perceive as tragedy.

It happened twice today.

The first, when I noticed the news playing at the sandwich shop where I purchased my lunch today. News of a young girl having taken her own life after experiencing a sexually violent crime and something terrible about released photos.

The next only a few minutes of clock time later when hearing about the bombs that went off in Boston. Hours later, having reviewed facebook and a news source, I created a moment to let it sink in.

My immediate reaction is to be angry, and have tons of opinions about what should and shouldn't be said. What should or shouldn't be done. I feel a hot, tenseness in my shoulders, and some jittery sensation spreads quickly upward in my body. I find that I get an ache somewhere in my head almost immediately and I crunch my eyes and furrow my brow. I think I have something to say, something that will help. I think I have "the answer."

This afternoon, I literally shook-my-head free of the news report in the sandwich shop - too disgusted by news reports in general to allow this story to to enter my being (at the time).

Just now though reviewing the news-feeds about our beloved community members in Boston, I had that sensation I just described. And, because I can be quick to respond and react to it, I almost spattered off a lot of opinion about violence - that it's not about guns - it's about mental health, and people with intent will pick their poison - guns or not, bombs or not... I almost even allowed myself to take part in a thread from the White House via President Obama.

I didn't though. I noticed that instead after noticing this heat, and tension, and jittery-ness, I took a breath. I waited a moment. And then my eyes watered. I felt a tightening in my chest - in my lungs, and it wasn't as easy to breathe. I noticed that it wasn't that I was angry, I was instead experiencing some kind of grief - or upset - or disappointment - or loss. Call it what you will...after I took a moment, it didn't matter anymore what my thoughts and opinions are about this situation. Or any situation we've been considering as a country in the face of tragedy.

No anger and opinion from me will serve now. The only thing that might serve is for me to keep breathing and allow myself to be moved in the presence of this tightness and eye-watering. To be quiet. To bear the discomfort that it is in my body or mind. To experience it first, and respond later.

I don't know what happens next, though I think for the first time I know that I will be more powerful if I do not react.

I wonder what the world would look like if more people like me who are usually so "loud" took a moment to bear the upset before responding and opinion-ing?

I wonder if I'd be of more service - or if we'd be of more service - to the people involved in these tragedies if we took more time to be silent, grieve with them - next to them - for them, instead of asserting our anger and our opinions atop of them - like throwing a big angry loud blanket on top of the issue - suffocating the human-ness that is happening? I wonder.

Today I am paying my respects by not spreading my anger and my opinions about the situation and what I think about it. Instead, I am sharing this...and I don't know that it serves, though at least I've learned something valuable, and I hope it makes a difference. I think it will make a difference next time that I show up differently.

I have enough. Part II.

I had an incredible revelation at Cracker Barrel last week before boarding a plane back home...

For weeks and weeks I have not been choosing to consistently feed myself in a nourishing way. To be clear... my philosophy as it is for all things health, is that we are each unique in our needs. Hence, what is nutritionally appropriate for you, is not necessarily going to nourish me, and so on.

By now, I am feeling bloated, have off and on acid reflux, a lovely rash on my face, some headache, and I am fatigued and foggy.

In the midst of all this I start to notice that as I sit down for each meal, I'm in argument with myself about what to order: what is best, what tastes good, what's everyone else having, how will I feel it I eat it - I'm quite cerebrally busy. I am also not peaceful - per the symtoms noted above. I am in opposition with myself about all of this.

I check-in with my body - it always does tell me - and I can choose to listen or not. When I think about eating X what do I notice in my body. Is there a cringe or pain? Do I crinkle my face? Do I sit up straighter - breathing more easily?

Finally, I notice that there is some sense in my middle/low abdomen of a vibration. I also am aware that my eyes feel twitchy and my thoughts about the aforementioned are moving with impressive rapidity. I realize that I have some fear about my food. Like, if I don't eat this deliciousness right now I may NEVER get to have it again! As if the pancakes, muffins, ice-cream and fried chicken are actually going somewhere never to be seen or heard from ever ever again!

Thank goodness for the awareness of my fear about the world's endless supply of french toast and fudge running completely dry, or I might not have come to what happens next...

I'm pulling up into the parking lot at said restaurant, and my chest is relaxed, there is no vibration in my belly. I'm comfortable and breathing with ease. I've realized...

I have enough. I have enough opportunities to eat well, or not too. There will always be biscuits and butter. I can either have them, or not, and they will still be there tomorrow. I can take care of myself, eat well and have hopefully many many tomorrows.

With that, I powerfully choose my pancake breakfast, hold the eggs (I don't need the headache I get when I eat them). I peacefully and happily enjoy my meal with my family and board a plane just 90 minutes later. No bloating, no heartburn, no discomfort.

My body always tells me.

I'm sitting here at a totally silly hour, wanting to be asleep, knowing I have some important commitments to attend to in just a short while.

Today, amongst many other things, was indulgent and enjoyable. Totally and completely. I had a fantastic, rich in flavor, and heavy dinner with hubby and dearly loved friends, and ended with a coffee. Albeit decaf, I'm still awake.

Back in my teen years, I remember this same feeling. I'd be getting ready in a puffy dress, hair done, and lipstick on for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah of the month. By the time I arrived I was famished and thirsty. After filling up on my share of cola (somehow believing this would quench my thirst), I'd buzz for a good long while, shaking from the inside out, almost vibrating at some incredible speed ready to jump out of my chair and run around like a wind-up toy.

In later years when friends started to coffee, energy drink, or soda it up for the purpose of wakefulness, I didn't. There was no affect and thus no draw. If I was taking part, it was for the taste, ritual and company. It didn't seem to keep me awake, more often, I had some kind of sleepy crash within an hour or so.

Tonight I could literally feel a battery pack turn on in my lower back. It's like someone revving up a motorcycle engine, inside of my body. While interesting, pretty uncomfortable too. I attempted sleep, and found that in addition to the shakiness  I was also constructing ideas and thinking through items at the speed of light.

The bright side? It will forever serve me to know what decaf coffee at 9:30 p.m. feels like in my body.

Knowledge is power. And, power is not about doing it right, or wrong...some value judgement. It's really about knowing and exercising my choices. No need to scrutinize tonight's choice to have a coffee, I'm no victim to these circumstances. I powerfully exercised my choice for coffee - thus, I powerfully exercised my choice to be awake and shaky.

Despite the discomfort, I'm breathing deeply and my mind is slowing down, more peaceful now. I chose my coffee and I had a wonderful evening with my loved ones. I'm up late and tired, I know that sleep serves me greatly, so next time I will powerfully choose the road not caffeinated.

Are you living with Colorectal Cancer?

I received the gift of writing and submitting a blog to Chris4Life, a truly fantastic organization who in my opinion is setting the bar incredibly high for nonprofit organizations. Each fiber of the organization is committed to their mission:

"To find a cure for colon cancer by funding and facilitating cutting edge research programs across the nation.

To improve the lives of patients diagnosed with colon cancer by funding and developing programs to support patients and their caregivers.

To increase awareness of the life-saving importance of early screening for colon cancer by using innovative strategies."

They are dedicated and creative, and if you'd like to get involved, they have an incredible number of events you can attend to become a member of this community.

Check out my latest at Chris4Life!

Taking a moment to breathe.

This past week has been full of activity, thoughts, ideas, meetings, social outings and the list goes on. I started to get so caught up in all of the buzz that I find my heart beating faster, I'm spontaneously and profusely sweating even when I'm cold, and my eyes are blinking so quickly and purposefully it's as if I cannot take in enough of the world around me. My shoulders have been creeping up into my ear lobes and I've became so overexcited I'm having trouble settling myself into sleep despite my desire to curl up and head to dreamland. Last night it took over an hour while I sorted through my thinking and planning at the speed of light then catching myself to say to myself, "it's ok, you've got tomorrow for this."

I keep reminding myself to breathe deeply. Over and over again throughout the course of the day I notice that I am barely breathing - my breath is quick and shallow, just enough to keep me moving and not at all enough to remind my entire being that there is plenty of time to accomplish everything, that I do have everything I need to be successful with everything, and that my body is perfectly wonderful - no need for all of these sympathetic nervous system responses. No tiger is actually chasing me.

Seriously, no tiger is chasing me. And yet, all of these symptoms point to that I am in fight or flight, with no appropriate reason.

When I do heed that reminder, taking a deep breath, and I allow myself the air to come all the way into my lower belly, filling up even the full of my back with fresh, new air - then I also find my heart beat slowing, my eyes settling and my thoughts moving out of the way. I'm reteaching myself to live in my rest and digest state (also known as the parasympathetic nervous system).

I accomplish so much more when I'm in rest/digest and not fight/flight and I even enjoy life instead of missing it along my speedy way.

Today I've made headway on an impressive number of items and even found a moment to take a nap with my cats. Before breathing on purpose I was so amped up that I was dropping things all over the place - mascara on the floor, food into the sink, I couldn't hold on to anything and so everything was taking double the time.

This might be a familiar conversation for some of you, also living in the fight/flight zone. I've been observing myself for a few years now - and I must tell you, per my last entry, when spring is arriving I can get a bit ahead of myself.

Take a deep breath with me, and keep reminding yourself! Here is one way I remind myself of the important things, like oxygen....

In-between; staying on par with mother nature.

For those of you who live in the United States middle Northeast, like me, you might have noticed that we seem to be in-between the seasons. Winter has been relatively mild, and spring is coming up. What's wild about it, for me, is that we keep swinging back and forth like a pendulum. Warm today, cool tomorrow, sunny today, gray tomorrow.

It's confusing, and in the midst of the confusion, I have noticed that I am taking special care not to get ahead of myself.

Just about two weeks ago, I noticed my drive to get things done and start moving kicked in hard core. Even before the holidays I was pining to go to the gym and use my muscles (if you know me, you know that I have exercised about 8x total in 2012, so this isn't my usual gig.). I went, and it felt amazing. Then when I noticed I wanted to get things done, and that I was feeling creative - more than usual, I looked outside.

It's still getting dark early, some things are budding, some look like they are still hibernating. The squirrels are more active than I'd expect in January, and some of the birds are back, though the other animals are still resting. Even my cats are taking it easy, taking many very deep naps.

On the other hand, it's been warm and sunny some days, and the air smells different. I want to stay up later and hang out, make jewelry, and call my friends to make dates.

We are in-between winter - the time for hibernation, and spring - the time for movement. It's important to be conscious about this, I say, because when I am living in any gray area, I can be a bit rash and even impulsive. I've been observing myself over the last few years to see how well I do in different seasons, and I've realized that I have not always been effective at wintering. I can quite effective at springing. And thus, I can be ill in summer because I've underdone 'rest', and overdone 'do' so by summer I'm a bit pooped.

So, with this awareness, I keep looking to nature to inform me, and noticing what's moving within me. I'm looking to balance both so I can stay healthy. In Chinese medicine, the understanding is that each season gives birth to the next, we generate from winter to spring, spring to summer and so on. It's vastly important that we take nature into consideration - following the sun, the moon, the plants and animals, we can learn how to take good care of ourselves so we can be as well as possible.

I've been really contentious that before the spring takes full force, I need more rest and quiet time. So, this is how I've been operating these past few weeks:

• Either going to bed early or sleeping later to get the extra time in, build my reserves and allow myself to rest. Following the sun is the best model.
• Exercising without over-doing it. I've got plenty of time to take my workout to 100%, for now 80% - 85% capacity will do just fine. 
• Getting creative. I'm working on the business plan for the wellness center that Joy and I will be opening later this year. I've got ideas and I'm letting them fly! I'm cleaning the house, reorganizing things and I think I'll be making a necklace or two soon. 
• Dress smartly for the day - it might be "sunny in Philadelphia" but when the sun goes down it's chilly. The heat in my house is up and down. I've got a scarf and I'm wearing layers so that I can adjust with the zig-zag of outside temperatures.
• I'm slowly coming out of hibernation, planning get-togethers with friends and family. However, I am not over-booking. I want to, I can feel it -the desire to fill up my calendar, though deep within I know it's not time to run around the globe yet. I'll save that for March. Instead, 1 - 2 outings a week and a few more phone calls to my buddies does the trick.
• I'm still taking time to be quiet and slow. Outside of projects, when I am in the house I'm taking slow, long showers, reading and watching a lot of movies. I am not jumping out of bed with the alarm and I'm taking my time as I sort the laundry or clean the dishes, what's the rush? There's no fire, so....

Take a few moments to check-in and see which season you are living in. Are you feeling antsy and quick, or slow and cozy. How do you know? Do you feel it in your muscles? Your breathing? How's your sleep? And, if you need some help with it, give me a call. A good acupuncture practitioner can help you learn how to get aligned with mother nature so you know how to follow the seasons.

A little shout-out to my mom who noticed the seasons changing before anyone else mentioned it, she called to ask me if we'd moved into spring and I hadn't arrived there yet. Mom has a little bit of sniffles and cough, every spring. This year they showed up right around solstice  and she knew - she was moving swiftly into the next season. Way to go, Mom! Excellent observation.